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Oops! Where did the year go?

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I can barely believe how long it is since I’ve posted here — almost a year! — but it’s All Good™. Life is good! I’m (obviously) a year or so older, and frankly, that’s the main difference. Really, a year is not such a long time when you’re my age — the poor, doddering old thing that I am. I mean, my daughter has just turned 21. That makes me ancient by definition, right?

Gemma spent her 21st birthday in the snow at the top of a mountain in Switzerland. I’m guessing there are worse ways to spend your 21st. (It was certainly a darned sight different to my own.) I picked Gem and her dad up from the airport last night when they returned from their 3 or 4 weeks of holidaying in Europe. Despite the plane being delayed 3 hours and arriving at 1:45am (which added up to a total of 39 hours in transit for them, so was a far worse thing for them than for me) Gem was happy and excited and that’s a rather satisfactory thing for a doting old mum to see.

As we were heading back to the car and I was rummaging in my handbag for the parking ticket, my ears beeped. Oops! I’d accidentally pressed a button on the remote control which — uh — controls — my speech processors. This remote control lives in the deep, dark recesses of my handbag. I fished it out (eventually) and reset it.

Wow! Loud noise! Much, much more sound coming from all directions. Double oops, then. I recall the many times recently I’ve missed hearing softer noises that I normally would hear, such as the “ding” of my iPhone when a text message arrives when it’s in my handbag or in another room of the house. I’m guessing that the last time I was in a noisy situation and switched the program over to the one that dulls down background noise so it’s easier to focus on speech (probably a week or two previously) I forgot to switch it back again. Sadly, I’d even considered the possibility that this had happened at the times I was actually aware that some sounds seemed a bit muted (or totally absent) and thought that “next time” I was near my handbag I’d check the remote. Then forgot. Oops oops oops oops oops.

Unsurprisingly, I was really struck by the difference in how well I could hear everything after the reset. (Rather handy, given that I had to drive home with an excited chatterbox in the car that I now didn’t have to strain to hear.) Duh. Oh well, live and learn!

Gemma and her dad were duly deposited at their home and, after inspecting Gemma’s important new acquisitions of a rather gorgeous soft leather jacket from Paris, and some stunning Gucci heels from Milan (while all the time making suitably approving noises as expected of a mother under such circumstances, but as quietly as possible so as to not wake my sleeping son) I returned to my own modest little haven for a wicked, wanton and wondrous BBBB before finally turning out the light around 4:30am.

Ahhhhhhhh. Despite the fact that my kids being older is a poignant reminder that I’m not the spring chicken I once was, there’s rather a lot to be said for not having wee bairns underfoot anymore. Besides which, all three kids are really wonderful young people. I wouldn’t go back for anything! And in spite of my (rather numerous) “Oops!” moments, I can’t help thinking that they, too, ultimately just lead to better things.

One year on: the difference

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Today is the 1st anniversary of the activation of my cochlear implants, which I received on June 26, 2008.

In many ways, I haven’t felt there was much to report in the last several months. I think this is because progress was so dramatic in the first 4 months or so after activation. Even though my hearing has subsequently improved, it has been relatively unnoticeable.

In terms of scientific measurements, tests at a visit to my audiologist 6 weeks ago show that my hearing has continued to improve even since the last tests. The difference was especially noticeable in tests for speech comprehension in noisy situations. (Which are still bad, but at least I heard some things, as opposed to nothing at all before.)

This is particularly good considering that over the last few months, some frequencies have had to be turned down in volume due to the presence of pain at certain levels. One wonders what improvement there may have been if this had not been the case…?

The real-life differences

Scientific measurements certainly have their place, and they have been encouraging markers when actual progress has been imperceptible to me. But the real differences have been lifestyle ones that, when I think back, have been quite radical.

The difference above all differences

The major, major, and did I say major? change in my life has been that I am no longer afraid to talk to people. Yep, I still dread it somewhat in places with lots of background noise, but even that is improved.

Before my cochlear implants, I would face even a trip to the supermarket with deep dread, because — what if the checkout operator spoke to me? I’d watch their faces like a hawk for the question “Cheque, savings or credit?” when I went to pay with my EFTPOS card, but anything further than that I couldn’t predict. In such situations I would either ask and ask for the speaker to repeat (up to 5 times before giving up) or smile and pretend I heard when it was probably pretty obvious to the other speaker that I hadn’t.

Humiliating, either way.

I avoided going out much at all and particularly avoided anywhere there might be background noise.

But when I’m out and about now — I know I may not hear first time, but I do know that I’m going to hear enough to communicate sooner rather than later in most circumstances.

That is just the most amazing thing.

Other important differences

Being able to converse with my kids has been a wonderful thing! Previously, if my youngest son spoke to me as we were driving along, before I could understand what he was saying and reply, I’d have to say, “Wait till I stop, then I can look at you.” Now, I can chat with him as we go. That is just incredible! I can also talk to my oldest son, which I couldn’t do before even face-to-face in a quiet situation, as he doesn’t tend to move his lips much when he speaks.

Professionally as well as socially, I feel I can hold up my end of the conversation and not come out of it appearing to be totally stupid. In the last year or so before I got the cochlear implants I felt my (lack of) hearing was really getting in the way of me being able to be the best I could be, professionally, and now I see those barriers falling with relief as well as satisfaction.

Talking on the telephone is now possible. I do still have difficulty when either the other person or myself are in a noisy place, or when the other person has an accent, or talks very fast. For this reason I avoid answering the phone in general, just in case it’s one of those awkward situations. But if I have to make a call, I can — especially if I know in advance that I’m calling a quiet home or office, as well as the topic of conversation. (Speech comprehension is made so much easier when the topic is known in advance, because you are expecting to hear certain words and phrases without even being conscious of it.)

And of course I do hear all those environmental noises, such as birds tweeting, cars, aeroplanes, emergency vehicles, computers humming, microwaves beeping, telephones ringing, and — a biggie for me — the “Snap, Crackle and Pop” of rice bubbles in the morning when I have cereal!

To sum it up

If I could summarise what cochlear implants have done for me, I would have to say they have ended my isolation. I’ve regained a lot of confidence when dealing with other people. I used to love being around people, used to even be known for my quick wit, believe it or not! (Try being witty when you don’t hear what’s being said!!!) I totally lost that social side of me when I couldn’t hold a conversation and that is now changing.

Drivers licences, revisited

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Well, I finally did get my motorbike licence, but not without its share of dramas.

A kick in the gut

A couple of weeks after the previously mentioned incident, my brother came over to talk about the Perth City Legal website I was developing for his partner Denise, who is a lawyer. While he was there, I opened a letter from the DPI and was totally gobsmacked. I started to read it out loud to Neil and Graeme but couldn’t finish more than a sentence or two as I was too upset.

It basically said that unless I had a medical within 30 days, to ascertain that I was fit to drive, my drivers licence (car and all!) would be revoked. Even if I got the medical certificate, they could still at their pleasure revoke the licence. This was because — get this — I “suffer from cochlear implants”.

Graeme took the letter off me and huffed and puffed about it. He is a hearing aid wearer, and realised that the implications were far and wide for all hearing impaired people across Australia. He took it home with him to give to Denise. Denise is a personal injury lawyer but nevertheless has a lot of experience in advocacy.

No standards

I explained the situation to a cochlear implant email list to which I belong, and someone (thanks Naomi!) sent me a PDF of the standards adopted by traffic licencing centres Australia-wide.

There is no standard for hearing.

That’s right. You can be deaf as a doorpost and (unless you’re a commercial driver) according to the national standards, it doesn’t matter a jot.

However, the DPI required me to get a doctor to assess me against non-existent standards to determine whether or not I was fit to drive.

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

My audiologist and surgeon both said there were no issues with deaf people driving. Quite the opposite — studies my audiologist has done demonstrate that deaf people are more visually aware, and being visually aware is the important thing when driving.

Denise said I had a good case, even though the “discretionary powers of the Director General [of the DPI] are wide”, and she wrote to them.

But that’s not all…

In the meantime, I went for my motorbike test and failed. (Those wretched figure-Os!)

I was unable to re-book the test for some obscure reason, and was told to phone on the next working day. (It was Friday, so that meant Monday.) Neil phoned for me as I still avoid the phone like the plague, and they told him I couldn’t re-book until I’d had a medical to prove I was ok to drive.

What???? I still had time for that…

Neil was most unhappy and let them know. He’s a great person to have on your side. :-D No one he spoke to had a clue what cochlear implants were. In their infinite wisdom, they apparently had decided it was some kind of disease.

They told him that if I was deaf, I could get a licence — no problem. But because I suffer from cochlear implants, I can’t.

Neil told them that in that case, his advice to me was to go to the licensing centre and take out my speech processors, and say, “I’m deaf!” (Which I am — totally — without the speech processors on.)

Sheesh.

He spent quite some time trying to get some sense out of these people. At one point, the woman he was talking to said, ok she’d remove the requirement for a medical certificate, but leave a condition on my licence that I must wear a hearing aid when driving.

Neil said, “No you will not. She doesn’t wear a hearing aid. She can’t wear a hearing aid!” Around and around.

Until he said he would sue for discrimination and other stuff, and right away they backed off.

How pathetic is that? They knew they didn’t know what they were talking about, didn’t have a leg to stand on, but were sticking to their guns anyway for the sake of petty bureaucracy. But, because they knew they were in the wrong, they backed down at the first threat of legal trouble.

Boo, DPI. Boo.

It’s all good — kinda!

Still, I have my motorbike licence now, and next step is to get myself the Vespa of my dreams!